maddy

…..no stress…no guilt…no challenge.. unlike  yesterday. where i could of bar-b-qued the dog and ate the whole thing…….but i hung in there and got through it,,,and well another end to another day… and well have a great rest of the week, and your not alone,,,,good ,bad and indifferent,, your certainly not alone…

,ahh the devils calling my name, and i am not giving in,,,, i know you  must of come across a moment that i am having at this givin moment and MAN!! i am talking myself through it and its not easy,, i must be pmsing or something, because the bag of chips are calling my name… i am fighting the urge with all my power not to  bust into it,,, agh,,,,its a awful feeling, and i generally wouldnt  have even bought them,, but we are bringing to my brothers house tommorow for our american idol night,, for the kids and them we have snacks of our own,, BOO HOO but i want theres!!!and i have no idea why i am acting like this,, but i am trying real hard ,, there in the car,, and its freezing,, and i keep thinking of them…mmmmmmmm…yuck fat, but yum. sound like a freak,, but have you ever had a moment like this,, HELP….

 well after almost three weeks of dieting and hardly the results we,re looking for, we are going to but a new pair of sneakers and get our butts out there, we have the  food program down and the houes is fat proofed but we have,nt been exactly what you waould say active so we  made a pact that even if its cold outside,we just have to do it.. i think then we will see results although i keeping telling him he looks like he shedding some lbs, he just don,t see it on the scale as much as he,d like, well if we want it bad enough we have to be dedicated, and besides our dog is getting pretty over weight himself.. hmmmmmm i wonder why!!

well realized this week i need to take my own advice, i love talking with everyone and giving advice sharing my heart, and learned i have pretty good advice if  i’d only learn to take it,,, mike is a great support  at home and he has been a rock and really feeling good about changing things around here in  the house, we fat proofed and cleaned all the  bad and replaced it with the good, and  we cook every night and well i don’t slip much and we both have a cheat night to enjoy together, but i realize i need to change weigh in, further away from cheat night and well still ironing out the wrinkles to make it a habit, instead of a mind chore, i hope everyone is having a great week, and sometimes we just have to step outside the whole picture and look at what we really need to do,, and well lets see how next week goes

 ,i have somewhat become addicted to this buddy system blogging, and well as sad as it sounds we all have something other on our plates to worry about and we let our weight ,weigh us down,i been reading for hours now and well my hearts goes to alot of us who have issues and still lend a helping hand and a generous ear to us who turn to others advice to give us encouragement and power to do what it is we already know we have to do  to get the results we need,

and i ask myself WHY!! i been thru worse  in my life divorce ,death, trauma, embarassements, and well what is the mind game with a diet that seems so simple i just can not put in my  mind to do, but i want to help the world  loose weight , and advise people when i dont take my own advice, get a load of that picture, does that make any sense, not saying i don,t enjoy you all i absolutley  love hearing and learning, but just wonder what is the mental block , there are some stories i read on here i just want to go through the screen and hug the person who posted because i feel for them, and then some i just want to choke, but we are all in this world to spread the love and  care to share,  but i dont want to sound like a broken record, so please when i skip a beat and sound like i and repeating myself just throw the record out, i suppose this is exactly what i am suppose to get out of this buddy system i need to get angry enough at myself to start seeing what it is i need to see to help myself, i am talking it up and getting it out,…

..I know that sounds bizzarre….but i don,t know how most people are but i know i can manage myself better when my day is structured then on the days i have off..i make my lunches ,plan my dinnners and  always eat my breakfast before i leave for work.. on the weekend its like ok, what do i do now,,, and what do i want to eat, well to be quite honest with you all my decision making on the weekend is very altered, and i can kick myself in the booty half the time for doing a  good job all week long,, GO FIGURE!!but i am having a little bit of a problem at the scale on wednsdays i feel like i lost more then its showing and that is fo friggin discouraging but i think i am just going to weigh myself every other week,,or maybe just my weekends are to close to my weigh in days!! who the heck knows!! well i wish you all luck this week and expect to see less of you all next week,, hehe

 I am what i think i am,, isn’t that the truth,.when i feel thin i feel beautiful and the world is good, when i feel sad  everything else sucks also, when i feel   fat i feel ugly and sabatoge everyone else around me to be bad  also.so the moral of this is wake up happy so you don’t make everyone   elses day around you miserable to, anyone ever have those days!so everyone have a good day, make the right choices and dont sabatoge yourself,..

At least i think i am a sane person and and i think i am psychotic sometimes but ever since this plan to loose weight all i do is focus on friggin food,…and i am not generally a sweet eater, but all iwant lately in the wee hours at night is cake.. i haven’t broke down yet…and i deter myself with other things, that are better,,,but grrrrrrrrr……i feel like a hefer..sad but true… i can not believe myself..i try to keep in mind the goal, and why?? then sometimes i get weak and say frig it.. i buy weight watchers cakes, and lord could they spare it,, its like two bites and gone. my honey and i have been doing to good  to give in now!! and besides. i try to get him to cheat and he won,t makes me want to be have more…but i  think i drive myself nuts..thinking about my next  meal and snack .. what am i nuts!!

I don,t mean to sound like broken record, but i get so angry with myself , and ask myself, what is it i don’t get!.there are i days i feel good and seem like i can  do this and then  i jump off the ride only to be back on the roller coaster of life again, i don’t like to obsess out loud because i don,t want to seem like i am looking for pity,i must of been on a thousand diets in my life lost the same 25 lbs  over and over only to be back on the roller coaster with the same 25 lbs plus,, does this seem oh… to familiar to someone..i recruited myself to weight watcher so many times in my life i could own my own center. and i know how that program works, i have faith in that program but its me i give up on,, i know people in my life are happy with me, but i am not happy with myself, i wonder what so deep rooted that i  don’t want to get it,.. and just do it.. does anyone have the remedy? i know we all have different  reasons for loosing weight and well i have all my goals in mind, but ………why don,t i feel worthy enough to stick to a  plan….anyone know.?life is like a roller coaster has it”s up and downs in more ways then one……i need to get strong enough to dig deep to stop this ride and jump off  and do something more about it,,, anyone else want to get of the roller coaster..  

 had a plan and i stuck to it,, and believe it or not , it was all good,, this weekend was a weekend my honey and i decided we were going to cheat and go to hell with ourselves and be bad.guilt free , because we planned it, but boy did we suprise ourselves,we did exactly the opposite, we did cheat, and planned to go to the casino, and hit the buffett hard, and well to our suprise, we had  one plate each and  got full and content, and was dissapointed we didn’t cremate the buffett,must because we were eating like humans for the past 2 weeks we must of shrunk  our stomaches, but it was a real nice feeling..and weight wasn’t all we lost at the casino,,, ugh,,,,,,,i left a  deposit,,  to go back and get next time we go, hope everyone had a great weekend,, and as martin luther king said, i have a dream, and its to see less of me next year,have a  awesome week everyone