maddy

AND YOU ALL ARE SO SPECIAL,,

WELL ANOTHER DAY GONE AND THANK GOODNESS, I AM FEELING RATHER RAN DOWN FOR SOME REASON, DON’T KNOW IF I AM COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING OR WHAT, BUT COULD BE THE SOURCE OF MY EMOTIONS BEING OFF THE WALL, AND BLAHH… WHO KNOWS I HAVE EXCUSES FOR EVERYTHING,AND WELL  THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT EMOTIONALLY AND SUPPORTIVE WISE SURE HELPS TO SEE PEOPLE ARE PADDLING UP THE SAME STREAM YOU ARE, WITH OUT ANY PADDLES AT TIMES ALSO.(((big hugs))),,TO ALL  THE BUDDIES,. AND WELL TOMMOROW IS   WEIGHT IN AND I HATE THAT WICKED SCALE,  I DO EVERYTHING I CAN PRIOR TO STEPPING ON IT ,PEE, STARVE, SUCK IN MY GUT,, BUT YOU CAN NEVER FOOL THE SCALE, ITS LIKE MOTHER NATURE YOU CAN NEVER FOOL IT.. AND WELL  I HAVE TO SHARE I HAVE SEEKED OUT SOME THERAPY FOR  SOME OF MY LIFE ISSUES AND WELL I THINK BY HAVING A OUTSIDE SOURCE AND YOU ALL HAVE BEEN GREAT WITH YOUR SUPPORT I THINK, AS A PERSON AND A NURSE DEALING AND CARING FOR OTHERS CONSTANTLY  YOU  DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND HAVING DEALT WITH SOME PERSONAL EMOTIONAL ISSUES THIS MONTH   I NEEDED TO GO OUTSIDE THE BOX AND  TALK TO AN OUTSIDE SOURCE SO ON SEPTEMBER  4 TH  I  WILL BE GETTING IT UP AND LETTING IT OUT.. AND WELL MAYBE .THAT WILL HELP ME DEAL WITH SOME OTHER THINGS ,WHICH WILL HELP ME WITH MY  EMOTIONAL EATING, SO NOTHING  DETERMENTAL JUST ISSUES I  NEED TO LEARN HOW TO COPE WITH, I HAVE THIS NEED TO WANT TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING AND  DO IT ALL, AND MAKE EVERYONES LIFE HAPPY AND GOOD.. IN THE MEAN TIME I AM WEARING MYSELF THIN, WELL ONE DAY I WILL SHARE WHATS GOING ON IN MY LIFE BUT,I AM NOT GOING TO CONFUSE YOU ALL AND BABBLE ON ANY LONGER,, TOMMOROW IS WEIGH IN , AND TODAY IS ALREADY  GONE, SO HAVE A BLESSED WEEK AND TALK SOON,I WILL LET YOU ALL KNOW HOW I DO AT WEIGH IN, OR MAYBE NOT,,DEPENDS… 

I noticed i am getting a little lacks a dazy again and some old habots are sneaking back in , and i am not putting as much effort in as i did three weeks ago, although i am still optomistic about dieting  more then i  ever been and still more observant in when i am cheating i am aware, but i notice  me more this week sneaking a bite here and there taking a little larger portion then i am suppose to, and i haven’t learned all that much to no portion control by  eye sight  yet, but i have a rough idea of what size portions i should have, well anyway, ths week was full of events and options and  running from one thing to another, kind of made it difficult to to make wise choices although i did the best i can  with where iwas and when, so anyway i did  take more and go back for seconds on certain things and well i didnt drink enough water this week and well i am getting back on track in the morning, and my journal is in my eye sight to keep it like a diary, i have been through a slugh of emotional situations this week that probably caused some weakness in me which i  know for a fact i am a emotional eater,and  sometimes even when i am  in a good spirit i eat  without thinking, abd by the time you know it the whole bowl is gone so i eater in all emotional situations,so old habits die hard, if they ever truly die at all.but  more aware, and contained instead of habitual, who knows if i had answers for myself i wouldn’t be who i am.. ever wonder why we think the way we think.i must sound like a nut tonight, i guess i am  fet up with myself, they say wonderful things come out of madness..i guess i better get pissed and start making some major changes here,

Well,… Hello Everyone, and yes it sucks.. dieting is slow and steady and that was pretty  much in response to a answer to a blog i wrote  yesterday about this whole diet thing being a mind game.  and to be honest with you all ,i am taking it light this time, not stressing myself out and one day at a time!

i will not badger myself and make myself worthless if  i loose control and binge, i realize,its a syndrome of yo yo and binging that will take time to heal, after all i didnt get this way over night.. the key for me is Attitude!! i need to keep it happy and light, and thinking that way also makes it a challenge and willing to make changes  and stop denying i have a problem and I have the power to change my world. my life and well my health is important and people around me are also important for me to want to stick around a little longer.i didn’t sign up to be fat..  heaven knows  if that be the case  i would of signed up to be on a smaller list if that were the easy way  but in ever life  we have issues, mine is i am fat, it beats dealing with alot of other dysfunctions that could of possibly come along,GOD only gives you what you can handle, well and he gave me the handles to hold on to with also! as a added bonus,, so if i have only one thing to deal with and that seems to be the thing that weighs me down from dealing with other things well i guess i have to move that mountain out of my way!soooooooo all my buddy slim buds, get behind me and start pushing, and lets move this mountain that stops us from being happy and beautiful and motivated to be worthy of things that hold us back from what we really want!! SO WHAT DO YOU WANT!!..did you ever ask yourself that!! ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT,, and only you know the desires of your heart to make your world go round!! so c’mon  and lets get together and have some fun!! im going to melt that fat right out of my way..gess what a geek i am.. but anyway, i am behind or beside ya what ever makes you think you have  to use me as a mentor to motivate  ya,, but I NEED YOU TO,,what do you say all  we got a deal,, lets move that mountain,.and i have no idea where all this hoopla came from, i just sat and started typing, so i hope it makes as much sense to you and it made me hyped..have a great night

just can not begin to tell you how excited i am that i escaped the scale monster tonight, and lost 1.4 lbs . i suppose even though i made some wrong choices it wasn’t as bad as i thought, but have no fear i am not going to barter with the scale, i realize i am human and will have moments that i can recover from instead of doom myself,what a real mind game al this hoopla is  when trying to loose weight nothing is as hard as trying to lose weight!funny thing is i play alone because knowone rolls a dice and says ok!! eat that ice cream… i do it all on my own.i move on my own stratagize my moves on my own and cheat on myself..but the only reward is losing is an advance to the finish line.will i ever be finished,.. i will never know, its been years sinve i been out of the 200 and i still have a long way to go….we should make  the two hundreds club.. and try get out of the two hundreds,, oh how i would love to be 199..hehe…have a good night

thank you much for you cheers and support, even though i was not on my best behavior this week i  still lost 1.4 lbs  equalling 8.8 lbs in the past 3 weeks so i suppose i didnt do that bad, i just love those suprises !!!well heres to another week and another challenge, this week i will write in my journal and drink my water

This evening at 5;45 pm it will be the moment of truth,  the oment that reflects my week  and shows the choices i have made for myself this week , i will take it standing up and not let it get me down, and promise not to let myself slip that bad again.. i am only human….

Ok,, this is the whole truth and nothing but the truth, ,(my confession before i step on the scale tommorow,) lord knows why but i sweat getting on that dreaded scale and to be real honest with you all this week i  lost it..I had 2 good weeks in a row, but,,tommorow is going to tell the truth, i did eat that extra piece of meat and eat the whole popcorn at the movies and ate the rest of the kids candy and at the whole box of weight watchers ice cream and the 3 bags of weight watchers,YES SIR I DID IT.. I ATE THE WHOLE THING!!… and well yes i feel like i will tilt the scale the in the opposite direction then i want, ..but i made those choices i did it to myself after being so good for almost three weeks,, like something come over me and i went on a pity party and ate the whole thing,,there i did it,, its off my chest, and back on my hips, and well next week will be a better week,.. oh an NO..i did count the points  or write in my  journal this week….i am slipping,, and i need to catch myself real quick,, someone help me!!!

If i had a magic wand! I’d wave it over you all and make all your dreams come true , make you loose your weight to your desired goal and make you rich to buy lots of new clothes!

it’s easier said then done, because its tough as hell and i only just begun! every day is a challenge and there is no easy remedy, to cutting out things you love to eat and its expensive to eat healthy , my food bill has doubled only on green veggies and low fat things, go figure when i was buy the junk it was cheaper.but it’s getting harder and as much as i  devert my mind to distract myself every time i see my self slip sliding away to a piece of cake and a  chocoalte milk shake, i actually have  to fight myself, and remind myself that you lost 7 lbs already, i hate the damn ice cream man!who i always use to love and i hate my skinny friends  that i truly do love,and let me not forget my loving family who takes the calories out of everything  in the name of love!! funny how theres a fine line between hate and love when your on a diet!! lord i have been through mood swings this week like never before,  its probably what they call detoxing!! well unfortunately i have no magic wand so we’re all in this together,, have a great week.

Hmmm…on a good day i will listen to it and other days i have selective hearing!!ok last night i heard the inner voice saying no don’t eat it!! but i choose to ignore it,.. today  i’m talking to myself out loud!! don’t do it.. and well this is getting tougher as days go on.. i been on millions of diets before and this time i am trying real hard not to ignore my inner voice, but i realize how easy it is to do!!so i guess i keep on talking to myself till i hear the answer i want..or don’t want one or the other!! i must look like a freak..talking to myself.. i give the excuse the medicine just wore off,,nobody  knows i am trying to diet and well if  they did i would be sabatoged ,being a nurse around junk all day long.. i have a inner struggle that talks like a thief running… and well i will check in with you all later tonight let ya know how i did!!

NO true words were ever learned, my choices i make are the consequences i suffer, and i have been going along pretty good feeling motivated and good that i been making right choices,..well..today i started good even this evening for dinner, keeping weight watchers candies and ice cream around to keep my enviroment safe,, went to dinner  made a great choice,  and well went to my parents and well,, my dad sure can cook and steak fries from hell,, and a small piece of steak,,, and while i was chomping down on it,, i was even saying WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!! .i already ate dinner and well i am sure i will most likely pay these consequences on wednsday when i step on that scale,,, because that scale knows what you ate last monday!!well tommorow is another day and i will challenge the day and  make  better choices,,,just wish it wasn’t always so mentally anguishing to make a bad choice every now and then and not that it sits on my heart to long ,its the fact that i couldn’t say no!! and i had the power,and well goes to tell you i have a long way to go,..before i let  go of the reigns a little ..to allow myself a little bad choices, but its to soon i just started this program and i truly like it, well tommorow is another day,, another day of choices…grrrrrrrrr…..have a great night all