maddy

well this is not going to be your ordinary weight lose blog and the world is round and perfect,   i have a wish list and  i need to do something about it, i wish at my age i had a sister to share my every little girl thoughts with, friends are great and all but i keep my circle tight and small, and besides getting close to women at my age and having the past experience with them  being married  once before, i am not going there again , not saying that would ever happen again, because  me and my honey are like  best friends, but its when you need someone to bitch  with  its different  and i am sure those of you with sisters could relate to what i am trying to say, sisters are different and special,  i also wish i had someone to walk with  my honey been ill with these excruciating headaches since april and  haven’t been able to do the things we love to do, like fish and walk ride bikes and metal detect all the things that keep us mobil, i mean someone right next door  to put on our walking sneakres right after dinner  would be great, so if anyone wants to move nextdoor i’ll welcome you, its getting harder keeping on program and  keeping an enthusastic attitude and i know i sound like i am having a pity party and theres a million ways to keep motivated but i  miss my honey being able to things  and want  a sister and my mama would kill me to ask her to have a baby now when i am  almost 40,, although she loves the kids all over the house,and the funny thing about me is i dont just gravitate to one person in my day , i  am al over the place, and well a walking partner would be just great, so i have some  projects to do, like setting up a walking club to get  out there, and well  just pray that all these tests with my honey  helps get rid of  his headaches and  he has a slough already and i  know  almost all of us have had headaches in our life time and what it makes us feel like, just imagine everyday,,, well i am going to get my butt going, talk tommorow

Tonight i got to sit for  the first time in a long time and as i have in the past and read blogs and reread blogs and  how someone come back and posted the pictures of  her new born baby and how special that truly was and when people post things about there life like there mom and dad being sick and one is in a nursing home and how someone just bought there first home and the way they met there first love and  how someone  just celebrated there 50th anniversary and how  someone is looking for  baby names for there first born and how somebody  met there first love and , someone sharing there hardships of seperation after 14 yrs of marriage, and how someone of us are  just having a hard time getting on track and some of us are just having a hard time in life, and some of the stories you read are so heart touching and some make ya want to cry and some make you so damn happy you could just reach out an hug  each and every story you read, no matter how big  or small it all matters, and sharing  with someone who cares and sometimes just hearing ourselves say what we feel makes a world of difference, makes us human, and,sometimes life experience over shadows all the things you learned in life fron school and college.i thank you all for you sharing and although i don’t get to write and share  with  it all matters, and you , we all bring our qualities to the table and when you share with your heart we hear it with ours,  although this weight lose journey is a long grueling endevur for most of us, it also is a very intimate and sensitive , and glad we all have a safe haven to come to and share all the time,(((hugs to you all))…

This week at weight watchers at weigh in on my way there knowing the kind of week i had , found myself  bartering with God that if i didn’t do to much damage this weekand dont gain over three lbs i promise i will do good this week, and well guess what, i did put on 8ounces,,,sheeeeeeewy i sweated it also, knowing the week i gave myself and i was happy happy joy .joy knowing weigh in was wednsday as always, and knowing i ate chinese the night before, praying that all the work i did around the house and the dancing like a jerk during house work would pull me  through and it didn’t know i have to stop playing monte hall and  not making deals with the lord because the scale  does not lie,, so i am trying to get back on the ban wagon and write in my journal because that truly does help, and drink   water, and i hope every one else is doing ok, its been one heck of a few weeks with me, so i try to get on and blog but i think this  also has alot to do with keeping me in line, even if know one reads and write back i  heard it for myself what the heck i been doing and stop, playing games,, well love to you all and have a  blessed week

well seems like i am not the only one this week to have  allowed a LITTLE BAD HABITS TO CREEP BACK IN,why,, i have no excuses, its just easy to eat on the run and pick  on something  unhealthy then   healthy , and it is cheaper to eat fat then healthy, my food bill almost doubled, and well  i am not giving up ,, because i am in this challenge to be healthier and feel good about myself, but i am coming undone here i must tell the truth, i did not even weigh in this week at weight watchers, a few personal issues going on in my own life, but i will weigh in next week, but is this happeneing to anyone else, i know my sis n law are having a kind of rough time  staying on track, .good to know we are on the same track and we are only human.

Yes i did what i knew i shouldn’t have ..but i did it anyway…i thought i had the power but i didn’t , i buckled .. that dreaded halloween candy, i bought the big 7lb bag of tootsie rolls and dots , saying to myself i really don’t like this to much anyway,so let me get  ready early, put out the halloween decoration, and having a good time and 3 days and i still haven’t opened the bag!! but guess what i took some out for my honey and  well two days later and the whole bag is gone,granted we had some help,, but not much,, and now i truly dread the scale this week,,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i did it to myself………..

ONe thing that makes me nuts are those people that feel like there so heavy and they look like skeletons, my boss is all of about 95 lbs and feels like she is fat in certain clothes, if i was her size i’d be running around naked trying to put some meat on my bones eating everything in sight, and she basically can eat anything she wants, but she is the type that runs around with her belly button hanging out, which doesnt bother me in the least whats hanging out but dont complain to me that this shirt is to tight fitting, and she feels fat , when you don’t even know what fat is girl,, she knows i have a tough time with weight lose and i was her size  when i  was born… i was like  go eat an ice cream sundae or something, bring that complaint to some one who knows what you feel.sometimes i feel its just for a reaction from others.

Well whats going on in your neck of the woods? Making any changes ? reaching any mini goals.?and if we’re not why aren’t we,,, well what a week !!but then again what  has gone on with the past few months? seems like life is just pushing along and well ya wake up and another month gone, and already  almost one week down in this month, can’t believe it, and who has time to think about  dieting lately, just amazed that  we lost weight and we really didn’t try as hard, shhhhh.shrugging my shoulders, don’t want to jinks myself for this week, wednsday is weigh in so my week just started,and last night was cheat night!!! yeah,,, i so look foward to cheat night, anything goes!! thats  the  truth,,, anything i want its gone,,i loved every minute of it! does anyone else have cheat night? and is after weigh in !! hehe..i just know this as time goes on i notice mini changes like  eating less, getting fuller faster, and i push things away and drink water in between, those little things are big life changes, and good  habits, i suppose the changes i have made without realizing carried me through this week,. so i have almost 3 lbs to make is 20 lbs and 8 lbs to say good bye to the 200’s..   i will face this week first and see what happens , i could be talking all kind of junk now and midway through the week i fall apart!!!, i been there way to many times to set myself up for failure now,,so one day at a time!!!

as crazy as this may sound and as bad as i was i suppose i wasn’t that bad, i lost 1.6 lbs making it a total of almost 17 lbs, and  this week was truly a gift,, because it was one birthday after another including my own so i went to town with my self , i suppose i am learning how to portion myself and  stop when i am not hungry and  drink plenty of water  before and after dinner and  during as well, i have almost 8 lbs to go to be our of the 200,s and do you know how long its been since i seen that!!…