maddy

Heard on the radio this morning , a list of ten things that truly  make people genuinely happy and you  will be suprised to know. it’s not being  beautiful and as skinny as a model…because people would rather be truly happy then pretty,

and it’s not money….people   feel internally happy giving then   being rich

 they say millionares are not truly happy because  people who volunteer and give of themselves  are more forfilled in life. then someone who is rich and don;t know  what to truly do with leisure time ( although it wouldn’t hurt having money) hehe..

 but the list truly made sense  they mentioned that  as we get older we are more happier in life , and deal with life  in a more bias less stressed way because you  lived through life experiences. so  80’s don’t look to bad…  you will be truly happy then

but to be quite honest with you i know i blog and bitch about how i can not get on the band wagon,but in all reality i am not unhappy with my life, just want to  lose some weight to enjoy more in life and be around to reach 80 to be totally  in peace , and say wow ! i did it all…

 i learned  that when you play you pay later, and sometimes  watching every little thing you do gets old at times and just want to enjoy and well thats what i have been doing  for the past 5 years, living….

 i went through a wicked divorce 10 yrs ago and been on a roller coaster  of life   and met some real assholes along the way,

but now. i am in a spot i am comfortable in and with someone i truly call my bestfriend, and we been going through some health issues and  need to really step it up to enjoy  our time together as a couple, we fill our lives with fun and new adventures , love traveling and camping bought a trailer and we live at the beach most the summer, we have  quads and   love fishing on the boat,we volunteer and mike a fireman and member of the coast guard aux. I volunteer for the  nursing home

 so.tell me for two active people…. why the hell are we fo fat. i just don’t get it..

but we are Happy.. go figure,..

so not really complaining just want this for the two of us,, so i will be here blabbering away till i jump in and hold myself accountable for my own actions and  make eating a good habit

Well ….no the fertile your thinking of either so don’t even go there,

 I have to say i think i am falling apart…. not only did i turn forty and my aches and pains are kicking in but i woke up a gall bladder as well. OUCH..

 I don’t know if your aware .. if your forty, fat and fair your gallbladder will most likely flair.

Gee’s ..us women can not catch a break no how no way!!

well i know i wrote about my excuse s last week and well this week i am just falling apart, and well i know one day soon i will just hop in and diet with you all but as far as today, i haven’t even tried and i have some pretty good goals to lose weight for, like a wedding, and a great keys vacation, to look foward  to…..but i have not put myself first.

i learned some pretty horrible habits like eating late and fast, and we go our at least 4 nights a week and i  like to cook when i do,  and i snack in between

  and i am the heaviest i have ever been in my life and i feel it also, and the gall bladder  is something i  gained but i lost my feet, tying my shoes is a daily task,  sad….. but i guess not to sad because i am  still just writing it and not  doing it,, i suppose the teacher will appear when the student is ready!! i am slow!…so i am going to enjoy this week and see what  i will change this week have good week everyone

Yes,.. i have been here and there and everywhere and well going to hell with myself or shall i say  not watching a thing i do and living on the edge and knowing the consequences i  was going to pay when i stepped on the scale again, part of me says frig it… I’m Happy and part of me says  told ya so!!! and  so here i am heavier then i have ever been in my entire life and  the truth of it is,, it truly sucks and i have no excuses but i am lazy,, i guess you can say!! i don’t watch a thing i eat mike and i go out all the time and well we had our 40th birthday bash and guess what!! we got 1000$ in restraunt gift certificates, can you imagine what that looks like first off and well we used alot of  them and we take everyone out to dinner which is alot of fun to be able to treat others, but we have got to get control.. mike has  not been healthy since last october and weight actually has played some  part of his illness, we are getting older faster getting fatter, and well just what fat people need gift cards restraunts, and well i know i have  myself to  blame, and  i know the tools and i say this all the time, but i truly  need to reach out for support to help myself, and blogging is great and well sometimes its just not enough, i need to be accountable for my own actions and commit.. its the holidays and i already have an excuse.. its like a downward spiral. and  need to get it off my chest, to dig deep , i been on this site before and did very well  blogging and it was like getting it up and getting it out, i had a buddy i was always in contact with but she left not to long after and never returned so i am going to fill my buddy list again with friends but everyone seems to be gone except for a few,but i am not consistant either so, i need to be true to you as well as myself, tommorow is a new day..i think alot has to do with life events and  i  automattically put me down and  made everything first, my job is still in jeapordy after 22 yrs  they want to lay  us off,  mikes been sick, i hurt my back, and my brothers all got something detremental going on in there worlds with children it’s harder, sometimes i am blessed i am unable to have babies, .. life with kids  looks wonderful but it has to be real hard and scarey, because your choice is there as well.. and well ones  going through a wicked  seperation, ones loosing the house,  this economy is hurting alot  of people i love and it hurts, so i stuff it down and deal,  so i need to learn to take care of me… and  my mother said something  that hit me, she said you are a aunt with 5 nieces and nephews not a aunt with 5 kids, i always go the extra mile to make the kids feel special but i just can’t do it anymore, and well i feel alot   sadness i love making   others   days especially my nephew who lost his mom when he was 2 and well i like  being there for them all  so i  put  alot on myself i know, and  theres no reason why i can’t take care of them and  myself..   ok i am excusing again so shut me up!! and i  will be back again  this week sometime